'FOOT in the Mouth'

This weekend I was on a Younglife leader retreat (more on this later) and I sat up in bed the second night reading Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott. It is a comical and honest collection of advice from Lamott’s life to aspiring writers. I do enjoy writing and hope to get better but I read Lamott mostly out of pure enjoyment of her writing. She is witty, honest, challenging, and very talented. The reason I mention I was on this retreat is because I need to paint the picture of where I was: top bunk in a room full of girls bustling to get their pajamas on and their teeth brushed, while I tried to muster up 5 minutes of energy to read, probably faking out most people that I was reading my Bible. But Lamott was all I was looking at this evening. I bring this up not just to recommend her writing but becayse of what came next.

She began encouraging writers to write down everything and anything from childhood because it always produces good leads, even if you don’t think it is worth writing about. As I read this, my mind wandered off to elementary school, as I tried to recount the names of all my teachers. I got to 3rd grade and out of nowhere, a memory jumped into my brain. Baaah. Go away.

This woke me up.

I looked around the cabin as if checking to see that the other girls didn’t somehow read my mind and see the memory I had just relived in my head. I don’t know what convinced me that by me thinking this embarrassing memory, they would all know it, but regardless, my cheeks felt flushed. I calmed myself down, realizing that this scene from 3rd grade Show-and-Tell had, in fact, stayed in my head. I silently started chuckling to myself at how weird I was as a third grader, and how clearly I have not changed. But because the idea of the whole cabin knowing traumatized me, I thought it would be better to share it on the, more private, World Wide Web.

So, in 3rd grade I already had the need to be known and hear myself talk (this was part of the flushed cheeks…I had already been cursed. Who knew it started so early?) and when time for Show-and-Tell came this particular week, I realized I had not brought anything. That just wouldn’t do.

I remember this moment of “well that’s silly, Hayley, of course you have something to share. How could you forget?” (This moment is proof that I lacked a conscience). When the sharing moved around the circle and skipped the kids that didn’t have something, I was so pleased I wasn’t one of them, or even worse, one of the kids that brings a family item their parents told them is cool. No, that wouldn’t be me! (In fact, I wish I had run this by my parents, so they would have been able stop me.) But, I had something much more special. I got to show them the very unique, very real…. Athlete’s Foot that had taken over my left toes. That’s right, folks. In 3rd grade I had athlete’s foot. Not only that, I showed everyone the cream I had to apply during lunch and explained in detail why I would be wearing flip flops that week, as to let my foot breathe. I can’t tell you what in this world I must have been thinking, except that I thought it was cool. I was oddly obsessed with injuries and illness at a young age. I loved cough syrup when I wasn’t sick, wearing Band-Aids for no reason or ACE bandages if I “twisted” my wrist. This is now a very ironic part of my life. I guess you get what you ask for...

I thought I may feel better if I told this story. Really, I probably should have left it in my little memory leak-proof container, but that is just not my style. I’m more somebody that likes to share what’s on their mind…or should I say feet?